Monday, July 11, 2005

Sex and the City

I was flipping through channels with my brothers and stopped at Sex and the City when one of them asked: "So how would you say 'sex and the city' in Assyrian?"

Masyalta ou Mdeeta.

I think it's pretty catchy. Assyrian entertainment producers should get on that.

Yeeeahhh I could just see it! *begin dream sequence*

The show would probably take place in Toronto, Chicago, or any other major Assyrian city of your liking. The girls' names would be Nahrain, Ramina, Ashurina, and Shamiram. You know, standard Assyrian names that come with all makes and models.

We don't have to get into which character gets which name but what's important is figuring out how to Assyrianize the characters for the show...which isn't hard.

The "Carrie" character would be as frustrated and frazzled as Carrie, of course. Except the reason our "Carrie" is frustrated is because all the Assyrian men she meets are from the internet. And of course they all turn out to be either losers, refugees, criminals, or all of the above.

"Miranda" would be pompous and dikey. She'd have a great education but only because her parents forced her into getting one so she'd be easier to marry off. Of course the plan back-fired and because of the arrogance caused by her status she comes off as frigid and intimidating to men. Ironically, she is now at the ripe spinster age of thirty-seven; possibly lesbian.

Now, "Samantha" is the Assyrian socialite. She goes to every party, picnic, and whatever else it is Assyrians do for fun. She's got friends by the dozen but her female friends start a lot of "drama" for her so she tends to spend more time with her male friends. As a result of this she's "messed around" with quite a few of them but because nothing has been officially ruptured she still claims the virgin title.

"Charlotte" is my absolute favorite! She's a true virgin and always goes to church and bible study and youth group meetings. She doesn't have any vices or vulgarities about her! How do we know she doesn't? Because she announces it every chance she gets. She also condemns most ordinary human actions by either verbally stating so or by looking you up and down in disgust. She could never do any wrong though, she goes to church! Charlotte's a fucking bitch.

I could get into more detail with the character explanations but I think this is callous enough :)

Wow..this show would be amazing!! Too bad Assyrians have impaled themselves with ass-backwardness too much to appreciate something like this.

*Play the "Masyalta ou Mdeeta" game with your girlfriends, try to figure out which one you are!*


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Anonymous Anonymous said...'s Ninos. You hit it right on the mark. All of these women you explained I have met or are related to me....hahahaha We need to collaborate and get a pilot going. STAT!!!!! Casting these women will not be a problem at all.

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